 Weasel words
Monday, 22 August 2005
One of the less insidious repercussions of America’s global business culture has caused such a degradation of our language that nobody is really sure what corporate sentences mean any more. But to make things even worse, slick corporate marketing language, littered with weasel words is infesting other aspects of our communication too.
Don Watson, the bestselling author of Death Sentence and Dictionary of Weasel Words makes some fascinating observations:
Things are not done, they’re “implemented”. Water cooler companies are offering “workplace refreshment solutions”. Libraries have become “information needs identifiers”. Churches have “mission statements“, and what they used to call “charity” is now known as “excellence in hospitality”. Everyone has “customers”, including the CIA.
So why are some of us “valued customers”? How do companies measure that value? When I call Telstra and the bloke from their Indian call centre is busy “servicing other customers”, is that value in proportion to the time that I have to wait on the line? And why is “my call important to them”? Is it because they wouldn’t have anything to do otherwise?
In my constant pursual for a cheap thrill and a raucous laugh, I stumbled across The Ken Blanchard Companies website, with it’s inane tagline “timeless truths desired results” and an excellent example of corporate weasel words:
“The Ken Blanchard Companies® is a global leader in workplace learning, employee productivity, and leadership and team effectiveness. Using Blanchard solutions, people increase their impact as leaders, thus enabling them to achieve strategic objectives and drive organizational results. Our training programs are designed not only to help people learn new concepts but also to ensure that they cross the bridge from learning to doing. Your organization will see measurable results.”
Wait on, there’s more:
“In today’s fast-paced world, your organization needs more than just a quick-fix approach to organizational renewal. You need a fully integrated implementation curriculum for making change really happen from top to bottom. You need an overall experience! At The Ken Blanchard Companies® we partner with you to identify needs, issues, and challenges; then come up with solutions to reduce the gaps between what is occurring presently in your organization and where you want your organization to be in the future. Once gaps are identified, and the level at which an intervention must take place, we work collaboratively with you to design and deliver the intervention that best fits your organization’s needs. We are ready to guide you through a process based on a combination of products, consulting, and training solutions that are unique and timeless. Come see for yourself what’s new and exciting—whether it’s Leadership, Teams, Customer Loyalty, Organizational Change, or Self Leadership—WE’VE GOT IT! And, to ensure sustainability and application of these programs, experience our Coaching Services.”
Does anyone have any idea what the hell Mr Blanchard is talking about? I fully understand each and every word but the sentences just don’t make sense. And to think that people like him actually make money by teaching others to incorporate this verbal diarrhea into their daily repertoire.
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